Mike Chang, Emotional Ninja
by PBCiMoA
Summary: Prompt: Mike finds out Blam are dating.


Not Mine

* * *

Despite the romantic nature they both share, there is little to no fanfare when Blaine and Sam start dating. It's more of a natural progression.

They've spent what feels like most of the year with their arms locked around each other for comfort going through break-ups and melt-downs and the cancer diagnosis of the closest thing they both had to a father in Lima. When both of their relationships come to a definite end within three days of each other (although Blaine's has already ended at least three times this year Sam is sure) they spend a full long weekend in Blaine's house, locking all the doors and pretending the zombie apocalypse has happened. They only make four calls out, one per day to check on Burt, and only take calls from Mike and Burt, on the condition that they play along and report on the status of their safe houses. Neither of them questions this and Burt doesn't even break character while he reminds them of his chemo appointment on Monday.

The thing is that they're both very tactile and they tend to be touching more often than not when they're together. A kiss to the temple for comfort or celebration is commonplace, as is a playful (often open mouthed and slobbering) kiss on the cheek. Neither had even really reacted when one of those cheek kisses was mistimed and ended up catching more lip than cheek. Sam feels in retrospect that they should probably have cottoned on when the kissing went from 'dude you're president!' to 'paintball was epic, see you tomorrow' because at that point it's basically a goodnight kiss, but Blaine already feels bad about being oblivious so Sam doesn't bring it up.

The day it really can't be denied that they're in a relationship is the one where they go from watching Sherlock to making out in a way that definitely wasn't playful and certainly not aimed for a cheek. Blaine breaks away first and starts reflexively apologising and insisting that he doesn't want to make things uncomfortable before apparently noticing that he is flat on his back with Sam's hand curled around the back of his neck and trailing off.

Sam snaps out of his daze before Blaine comes out of his confusion but he can't really form what he's sure would be an epic argument for why they should totally be doing this more often in future so he settles for breathing out "You're really hot." and finding a place right under Blaine's jaw that makes him forget to panic.

He keeps inserting himself bodily between Blaine and panic for a week by wrapping an arm around his waist when he starts to twitch or kissing him again if he starts to say something with that shifty nervous look that definitely means he's going to try and take back the make out again. By the time it's Thursday again they've been to a showing of Wrath of Kahn at that theatre two towns over that shows an odd mix of sci-fi and horror, and strange artsy European movies with subtitles (the subtitles on Trainspotting made Blaine side-eye them and Sam was just glad it wasn't actually in a foreign language because subtitles make his head swim if he tries to read them). Blaine has paid for the movie and the snacks and Sam walks him up to his door and gives him a kiss that just means goodnight. Blaine pulls away and Sam looks carefully for panic signs but Blaine just breathes out, a little shakily but with a sweet smile: "So, boyfriends."

"Boyfriends" Sam agrees, and that's exactly what he told his parents when he calls them Tuesday after school and what they told Stevie and Stacy at dinner that night as he was informed when he called to say goodnight to them. He doesn't tell Blaine that because he's still a little afraid that Blaine will take it back if he spooks him.

He forgets to worry about that when Blaine decides their goodnight kiss wasn't their goodnight kiss and he finds himself calling his mom while Blaine unlocks the door. She pulls out her sternest voice when she says that they're trusting him to be responsible and he doesn't feel any kind of guilt when he hangs up with an I love you because he knows that no matter how awesome kissing Blaine is, if their pants come off at all it will be in separate rooms and he'll be changing into the pair of Cooper's sweatpants Blaine keeps on hand for the nights they actually remember to change. He feels a little guilty when he calls Carole to tell her he's staying with Blaine and promises himself they'll be the first to know after they've visited Mike for his performance this weekend.

"So you're dating." It's a little bit jarring because a minute ago they were having pancakes and now Mike is asking them about their love life. Their combined love life that Mike doesn't know about. Also because Mike very rarely brings up a topic, he waits for it to be brought up before he contributes unless he thinks something is wrong.

"What? Dude, we were just about to tell you that. Who told you? You were going to be the first person we told, like as a couple." Sam knows he's stuttering and Blaine is kind of blushing and shaking his head.

Mike always knows how to pick out the part of what Sam says he finds interesting and file away the rest for later. "You told someone else separately?"

"I told mom and dad and they told Stacy and Stevie. Stacy hasn't talked to me since Tuesday."

Blaine looks over at him, confused and slightly upset, probably fearing he'd upset one of the Evans brood. "Why?"

Sam can only grin at Blaine's sad tone over Sam being ignored by his seven year old sister. "Oh she was planning on marrying you. She said you look like Prince Eric."

"Is that one of the Danish ones?" Mike joins him in side eyeing his boyfriend at that.

"Dude, no. He's the one from the Little Mermaid." Sam rolls his eyes when Blaine starts having that look where he's trying to remember something and Sam knows it's probably one of those weird versions of fairy tales Blaine read as a kid that makes him think Cinderella is some epically gory story full of beheadings and foot maiming. "Disney. It's still super weird that you haven't seen like any Disney movies." And it is, because Eric may be this week's flavour but Stacy has rolled through them all at this point and it really doesn't have as much to do with physical resemblance as it does Blaine's willingness to have tea parties and sing along to the my little pony movie she's been watching on repeat for weeks now. He's not allowed to tell them bedtime stories for obvious reasons.

"I saw Pirates of the Caribbean."

"Doesn't count. Whatever." He turns back to the more pressing matter at hand. "How did you know Mike?"

Mike raises an eyebrow at him and Sam suddenly remembers that Mike was the one to bring up the subject of them dating and the last time Mike felt the need to talk about something with his serious voice on was when he was telling Sam that going after Mercedes when she was dating Shane was a bad idea. Sam grabs Blaine's hand and Mike smirks at him. "You made out while I was getting the pizza last night. Not to mention that aside from each other, I'm both of your best friend. Did you not think I was going to notice you both simultaneously stopped panicking over your crushes?"

Blaine blushes again but he's not embarrassed really, Sam has learned to notice the difference by now. "I told you making out on his couch wasn't discreet."

"Whatever, we are totally good at secret stuff. We broke into Dalton without anyone knowing." Sam suddenly feels left out as Blaine shifts a little and Mike smirks more.

"…Right. Blaine, you want to explain?"

"We really kind of didn't. We snuck past the Warblers, but I did kind of warn reception that we'd be coming." Mike is shaking his head and grinning and Blaine shifts defensively. "What? It's a secure campus, I didn't think it was a good idea to be committing a felony over a trophy."

"Wait so you told this person, who works for the school, that we were going to scale the wall and one of their buildings and rescue a trophy from a locked cabinet and they just went 'ok'?" Sam forgets to be annoyed that their totally stealthy mission was actually only half stealthy because what even is going on at that school? Mike actually looks like he agrees with Sam so he figures the details of the plan hadn't been shared with the older boy.

"She was actually very accommodating."

Mike has a look of dawning comprehension on his face. "Oh, _She_. I see what happened there."

"What?"

"Oh nothing." Mike grins at Sam.

"Did she swoon as she watched you walk away?" Sam throws a hand to his forehead and slumps in his seat for effect and laughs as Blaine continues to look confused by their obvious amusement.

"Of course not."

"Did you kiss her hand in greeting?"

Blaine sighs. "For the last time Michael that was one of my grandmother's friends and it's a perfectly respectable form of greeting."

Mike snorts and doesn't even try to cover it with a cough like he normally does when Blaine starts to turn embarrassed red. "Face it Blaine, you flirt with women, and with guys who don't mind. It's you default setting."

"I do not." Blaine pouts.

Sam pats his hand. "It's adorable, and hilarious." And it really, really is when Sam gets to watch girls stare at his back as he returns to their table with sugar/cinnamon/napkins/chairs/whatever-else-Tina-can-think-to-send-him-to-get. He suddenly remembers the boy in the beanie and the hipster glasses from a few weeks back and frowns. "Just don't flirt with guys you actually like ok?"

"I'm not allowed to flirt with you?"

"I meant other guys you like."

"There are no other guys I like." Sam's grin actually kind of hurts while Blaine responds to the clearing of Mike's throat with an instinctive "Sorry Mike." and Sam wonders briefly if he's apologising for implying he didn't like Mike or for forgetting he was in the room and leaning in for a kiss.

"No problem, anyway, did you both still want to tell me you're dating or should we move on with the assumption that I know?"

Sam glances at Blaine who looks mostly relieved. "We'll assume you know."

"Ok good, I was just checking in case you had some big coming out speech planned and you were hoping for a dry run with me." That part is very clearly aimed at Blaine and it's a little scary how well Mike knows them both.

Sam waves off his concern. "We were planning on covering it with a song and maybe a kiss in glee next week and then just let it spread."

Mike just shrugs. "As good a plan as any. Now. Down to business. You know I don't like to get too involved in your relationships, but this one is obviously different. Obviously I approve of your choice in partners, but this time if it fails the main victim will be me." Sam snorts.

Blaine raises an eyebrow and adopts his completely flat sarcastic voice that Sam always forgets he has because he almost never uses. "Really Mike?"

Mike is not deterred by triangular eyebrows and sarcasm. "Shush. I know you both, and if you break up and it's not friendly you'll both feel too guilty about stealing the other's best friend and everything will be all awkward." Sam really can't argue with that and Blaine is fighting a pout so he clearly feels the same way. "Therefore, the way I see it, since this is obviously happening, I need to step it up and make sure this works, because you two need help." Sam is a little offended that Mike doesn't believe they can make a relationship work, but Mike is also Sam's emotional guru and the one time he didn't listen to him he regretted it.

Blaine sighs but apparently decides to go with it anyway. "And how are you going to do that exactly?"

"I'm going to explain how this is going to work." He grabs the salt and pepper shakers and ignores Blaine's eyebrow moving toward his hairline again as he introduces them as Sam and Blaine. "You both know by now that Blaine is going to New York for college and Sam is going back to Tennessee." He separates the shakers. "I know at least Blaine" He points at the salt shaker. "is already thinking about this, probably way too much. There is going to be at least temporary long distance. Blaine is already panicking over that because he thinks he can't do long distance because it didn't work the first time and he can't actually forgive himself for imperfections."

"I…"

"No, you keep a second place fencing trophy on your desk to remind yourself not to get complacent because of all the first place ones on the shelf. That screams perfectionist. Sam on the other hand" He points at the pepper shaker and Sam can actually see Blaine restraining himself from snapping that the shakers are pointless. "Is trying not to think about next year because he's terrified that when Blaine goes to New York he'll be close to Kurt" Who is apparently played by the sugar bowl and Sam frowns because that is very much spot on.

Sam knows that Blaine will never cheat again, he doesn't doubt it for a second, even when Blaine does, but Kurt will be right there and Blaine was in love with him before and Kurt is all kinds of awesome and it would be easy for Blaine to fall back in love with Kurt and then he'd have to break up with Sam because Sam knows Blaine hates emotional cheating even more than physical cheating and Sam is about to start hyperventilating when Mike continues talking. "I think you both can handle long distance if you understand a few things going into it."

Sam turns his full focus back to Mike because Mike is right, he is their best friend and if he knows something they should probably listen. "Ok. Give it to us bro."

"You both are attracted to high maintenance; don't even try to deny that one. You're attracted to high maintenance because it goes very well with clingy, which you both are." They both frown but also look down at their hands that have been clasped tightly since the conversation started. "Luckily with each other all you have to do is embrace that and learn to live with the mocking of all of your friends for being completely whipped. Are we all ok with that?"

"Why would I care what they say about my relationships?" It comes out more defensive than he means it to but he's dated for popularity before and he's really, really over having other people's opinions decide who and how he dates.

"I mean are you both willing to accept that you're clingy, needy and a little co-dependant?"

"Yes." It's a grudging yes, but it's also recognition that Mike could have worded that more harshly and still have it be true.

"Good, because my graduation gift to both of you is unlimited minutes for Sam for a year so you can talk all you want. As for how you're going to use those minutes, I don't know if either of you has dropped the 'bro' from your 'I love you' yet, but between the two of you I give it three weeks tops." Sam promised himself, somewhat petulantly, that he wouldn't let the words slip out until graduation, three weeks away exactly. "Those words are important to both of you; make sure you don't forget them. Leave them on the machine if you have to and text them if you can't talk."

Sam can't actually imagine forgetting to tell Blaine he loves him, he tends to have the opposite problem, but Mike is looking at them with his serious face on again so he nods and writes a mental note to look up flower delivery services in New York and considers if he can send them a bunch of notes, or maybe drop them off while he's helping Blaine move in.

"Also, I'm betting you haven't had to think too much about phone habits, and this is a talk Blaine and Kurt never had but sorely needed. Blaine answers his phone. Always. Blaine excuses himself from class to take calls from unknown numbers, just in case it's important."

"Dude I know." He's fine with Blaine answering his phone all the time, especially now that he's convinced him he can do it on the couch instead of sneaking away in the middle of a movie and causing an uncomfortable temperature drop in their pile of blankets. "That's because people call him about important stuff because he's good with feelings and crisises." Sam knows how much it meant to Kurt when things were really bad back before he transferred to Dalton and he remembers when they paused Captain America to drive out to Westerville and Jeff apologised for calling ten times because he knows they're not really friends anymore but his girlfriend cheated on him and the Warblers have dissolved into complete chaos and Blaine has always been the guy and Jeff didn't know who else to call. Being that guy is a pretty huge part of being Blaine and seeing Jeff's face all covered in tear tracks is enough to make Sam happy that Blaine never hangs up the phone if the person on the other end doesn't sound alright.

"Crises." Blaine corrects automatically, because Blaine is still working on Sam's English grade and he realised months ago that Sam won't be offended if he corrects him so he's stopped clamping his mouth shut when he wants to interject with his mini grammar and vocabulary lessons. Blaine always wants to help and Sam has already learned to accept help from his friends so he doesn't snap, like Blaine is clearly expecting, when Blaine comes to him with a bunch of coloured sheets that actually somehow help him read (blue does at least, pink just makes his head hurt worse and yellow washes everything out).

"Yes, but this means something, and it means something that neither of you has thought about but both of you need to understand." Sam tries to get his mind back on track and off of exactly why his boyfriend is awesome.

Blaine seems to still be in the conversation but that's probably because Blaine doesn't tend to get distracted by how awesome Blaine is. "It means I value phone calls differently." Blaine has some kind of epiphany which clearly makes Mike happy but Sam has already circled back through everything and is waiting for Mike to tell him exactly how to make sure they don't break up when Blaine goes to New York and there's Kurt and all kinds of Broadway gay dudes who will be almost as great at singing and dancing as Blaine is and won't be at all confused when he starts talking about Sondheim or Cher or Germaine Greer.

"Exactly. Most people click dismiss and think 'busy, if it was important they'll call again' or 'I'll call back later', and that's what they think other people are doing as well. Blaine doesn't use the dismiss button at all, in fact I'm pretty sure he was having sex the one and only time I've heard his voice mail message. Sam" Blaine rolls his eyes when Mike suddenly remembers his spice figurines to point at the Sam-pepper "forgets to charge his phone for days."

Yeah, definitely a good point. "I totally won't do that anymore."

"That's the spirit. So, the point of me saying all this was…Sam?"

"That Blaine will think me not answering the phone is me not caring enough to answer the phone."

Blaine lets his thumb glide across Sam's knuckles in a comforting way when his fingers tighten at the thought of Blaine believing that. "No. I know not everyone has the same phone habits as I do." Sam actually knows what Mike is going to say to that because knowing Sam probably just forgot his phone at home and believing it are two different things and Blaine is very good at convincing himself people don't like him.

"Because you're a smart guy, but you're also an impulsive guy and your heart tends to be five steps ahead of your brain." Which is one way to put it. "That's something the two of you have in common by the way, have fun trying to learn your way around that."

Blaine frowns at Mike. "There's nothing wrong with letting your heart lead."

Mike just grins at them both. "Oh and one last thing: You're going to be _that_ couple."

They share a look, both with furrowed eyebrows and Sam has to ask. "What couple?"

"The couple that no one can be in the same room as for more than ten minutes without puking rainbows and butterflies."

"Hey!"

Two weeks after their counselling session with Mike they're at Breadstix, holding hands over the table and Mike calls Blaine. Blaine sets down his fork and reaches around to his right pocket and Sam just grins because Blaine is both eating and answering his phone with his left hand, just to not let go of Sam with his right so he really doesn't care if date etiquette says answering the phone at the table is rude, not when the alternative is him excusing himself.

"Hey Mike." He grins into his phone and Sam leans over to echo the sentiment quietly enough that people won't stare at them (more than they're already staring).

"Just say it." Mike hangs up.

"Mike Chang, emotional ninja strikes again."

"What did he say? Was it more rules? Because I really kind of don't want to be thinking about the distance between Tennessee and New York right now."

"No. Remember how he gave us three weeks before we wouldn't be able to help ourselves, like we blurt out our feelings all over the place?" Blaine sounds a little offended and a little embarrassed, but mostly amused.

"We can totally last three weeks. We only have like six days to go anyway."

"We kind of have to wait the full week if we want to get properly out of the specified date range."

"You're hot when you pout."

"You're always hot."

"Oe tìyawn ngenga nìftxavang." Blaine blushes and looks down.

"Szeretlek."

"I don't even know what language that is but I love it."

"Hungarian." Sam is still staring at Blaine with that look he has every time he discovers something new about him when Blaine notices Mike's picture flashing across his phone again

"It still counts if it was a different language."

"What the actual…Mike do you seriously have someone spying on our date?" Blaine stands up to look over the low wall separating booths as Sam snatches the phone.

"Dude it totally doesn't count and whatever anyways because we're not rushing into anything. We've been best friends like all year. Also if you keep ruining our moments on purpose I'm going to let Blaine answer the phone during sex and you're going to be scarred for life so there." The last line makes Artie choke on his drink from where he's sitting with Sugar and Blaine finally identifies them as the spies.

"You can totally answer the phone if you're having sex when I call." Sugar states and Artie and Blaine blush harder as Sam nods seriously and tells her he'll remember that.

(A/N:) I had like five different endings for this so I decided to go with none of them.


End file.
